Self-Care is a Non-negotiable for Those of us Who are Both Black and Female

Self-care is a hot topic right now and everyone has an opinion on how to do it correctly. It’s basically the process of giving yourself what you need at the moment, whatever that may be.

Self-care is critical, especially for black women.  It feels like the world is on fire. And the more “woke” you are, the heavier the weight gets to carry and women tend to try to carry other people’s weight for them …. so there is that. I am not going to lie to you all, life was easier when I was “sleep”, I could at least watch a movie and not be thinking of how the “patriarchal, capitalist, rape culture is being manifested through this year’s favorite magical negro film”. *long sigh* I am literally tired of myself. 

It occurred to me that I may need self-care when I decided to watch the Vice News Special on Charlottesville for the second time (I thought I missed something) and as I was queuing it up when my love said to me “Are you getting ready to watch your rage porn?”  I was ready to #clapback but then I thought “shit, he is right”.  I was coming home from work night after night immersing myself in all the awful of the day then, after I making myself sufficiently angry, I would be stomping around ranting about things I can not control. It was time to get back to the center with some self-care.

How I decided to do self-care? 

  • I am on a break from the headlines, the white house speeches, and all videos of people being killed, hurt, or harassed. I am intentional about how much of the world I am taking in right now. 
  • I am being constructive by working on myself and continuing the process of unlearning.
  • I am both singing and dancing more. Noone ever tells you how therapeutic a good twerk session is to the soul.
  • I am reading trashy books about nothing. (I am almost done with a book called Drama is Her Middle Name, by Wendy Williams …so terrible but I needed it) 
  • I am skipping the serious podcasts and listening to more Trap Music and 90’s/00’s R&B in the car or just riding in silence. I arrive at work a lot less charged and I get my best ideas during this time…oddly enough.
  • I am lighting more candles. Candles do not get enough credit for their calming magic.
  • I am brushing up on my makeup skills and trying something new. Nothing like a good beat to lift the spirits.
  • I am doing a lot less social media these days. I even took facebook off my phone for a while. The worst place you want to get your news from is facebook…it is basically rage porn and petty porn central.
  • I am spending more time in gratitude, especially for the black women in my life and those who are just out in the world glowing up and showing us the way. We stand for so many who did not have the chances we have today.

So far I am feeling a lot better and it is getting easier to pick and choose when my rage is necessary versus just humming with anger all day, every day. I hope that you all are practicing self-care as well. I want to hear about your techniques for focusing on yourself in the comments below. 

 

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Written by Lisa Necole

Happy Marketer |Feminista |Crazy Dog Lady| Funny Girl in Frock and Fro| Zora the Explorer| NPR Junkie| All Charm, Wit & Jazz Hands

3 comments

  1. I just said that these are horrible times for empaths. I am a reformed news junkie. I would watch and read all day. Now I only watch when necessary. I’m depressed enough. lol.

    1. Girl! Same here! I loved being up on everything going on… total NPR Junkie. Now I just try to keep my head down. It is too much and I was driving myself crazy.

  2. Lisa, great your are taking care of your self just how you need to do it. I’ve learned over the years that having certain daily spiritual practices definitely help me. I’ve learned more about energy work (through Reiki and other practices) and it has helped me along with having a regular mindfulness/meditation routine. I’m hear to support you however I can. Thanks for sharing what is working for you. Sending love your way.

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