Interracial relationships aren’t the problem, it’s all the problematic folks with assumptions
As a black woman in an interracial relationship, I get questions all the time and I am happy to answer most of them but there are a few things that often leave me … perplexed (or whatever that feeling is when you are offended but not sure if it was intentional).
I am not sure if it is because I am black or female but bae never gets the level of questioning I receive. People ask me the very loaded “Well how did you meet?” or “How did parents/family feel” and sometimes they ask/comment in ways you would not expect.
It is kind of like when natural hair was a big thing and black women would stop me on the street to ask about my products, touch my hair or give that backhanded compliment “It’s cute but I don’t know how you do it” as if genetics…ok..wait… I digress.
Without further ado, here are some of the craziest responses/questions about my relationship and why they are problematic as hell.
“Oh snap girl, your babies bout to have good hair”
This happened years ago and every time I tell this story I feel the tension all over again. I am sitting there Nigerian, natural curls popping, and freshly oiled melanin thinking to myself… is this real? Do I look like a person looking for “good hair”? The implications that I hate myself so much I would enter into a relationship just for hair… I know it happens but not me.
I know colorism is real but comments like this and so many thinly veil “anti-black” sentiments about babies are not why most people enter interracial relationships. I am always surprised by it in 2017. Bottom line…my babies will be cute because I am cute…chocolate, brown, mocha, or latte. #stopfetishizingkids
“You got you a rich white man”
I have heard this so many times …it is always meant to be a joke but jokes are never just jokes. I am still looking under the Ikea couch cushions for all this money he is supposed to have. We are just out here living… paying student loans, and dreaming of winning the lotto, just like you. I am not sure where this comes from… if you have some ideas I wanna hear about it. Comment girl, I need to know.
“Oh Yes Girl, I am tired of black men too”
Sis, I love you but let us not make assumptions. I am not dating outside my race because I am “tired of black men”, my problem is I like ALL the men. When it comes to relationships, you attract the energy you put out. If all the men you date are shitty, just because they happen to black does not mean it’s a problem with black men. It’s you, not them. (all shade intended) Trash men come in all shades.
“Are you trying to be white?”
Yes, someone said this to me and I really believe the person who said it thought they were having a Hotep Iyanla moment. I had no idea that white male privilege was a transferable power? But in all seriousness, you do not know blackness until you are tossed up against a white (or other) wall. I know you are always looking to call out people who date outside their race these days but we are not all hanging out in the sunken place. (Beleive it or not, you can both be black and be in the sunken place (See: Ben and Candy Carson)
In conclusion, we have to think about the things we say to people. I am telling you these stories in jest because they are my best party stories (in certain circles). But all too often the crazy questions I get asked in tones of kindness and earnestness say more about the person asking than they do me. When it comes to love, the kind that sends your heart spilling over, you should be honored to receive it no matter the color of the package.
If you are in an interracial relationship or any kind of relationship, I would LOVE to hear some of the things people have asked you in the comments below.