I recently took an online quiz that said I have “overwhelmingly positive views on online dating” and so do 11% of Americans. Online dating is a great way to meet people if you can allow yourself to just have fun…even on the free sites. In my online dating experience, I met all kind of guys – there was the guy who was all about getting married, the funny fireman, the guy who used to be fat and actually shared those photos on the date and finally the love of my life who I met on OKCupid.com – go figure. Oh, the stories I can share but the point is love and new experiences are possible.
Listen Linda! I get it. I know you went on that one date with the guy who looked nothing like his photo, or the guy who told you he wanted to find “someone special” but then talked about sex the entire date. I hear you but dare I say – these people gave you red flags before the date was set. As an online dating success story (so humble), I want to share a few ways I was able to plow through the trash, meet some great people and go on to find love.
First, you have to ask yourself some important questions about your intentions. Are you looking for a hookup? Are you looking for Mr.Right Now? Are you looking to close the Mrs. deal? Get clear and make sure you are ready for what you are seeking. An example, You cannot be hung up on your ex and dating for the Mrs. title, maybe a boy toy is more your speed right now. Once you are clear, build the profile accordingly. Looking for sex – be sexy. Looking for love – tell the boys about yourself and be positive.
Second, ok..you are getting inbox hits – you are looking for certain types of responses. If you are looking to play a bit, the options are endless but if you are looking for love or just long term, respond to people who are also looking for love or at least not just sex because…men. When he writes you initially, did he say “ Hey, I love podcasts too, who is your favorite? “ or “You saw Hamilton twice, how?” these are good openers because – they actually took the time to look for a good opening in your profile. If his first statement is “What’s New?”, eh… it’s all new to him – move on. If his opening line is “Damn girl, you thick”, nope. You get the point.
Finally, you are chatting – it’s going well. you have learned that Serial changed his life and he has dreams of going to bartending school just so he can make the best cocktails. This guy sounds perfect – chat a week, maybe 2 and get moving to the coffee date. Do not linger online or over the phone, the point is to find out sooner rather than later if you are being catfished by a cousin who wanted to get back at you for calling her a fat ass Kelly Price (this was really on an episode). Girls complain about the coffee date because we want a meal. If you are dating for free food, that’s fine but you said you wanted love. If he hesitates to meet up…run but otherwise, go and have fun. Be casual – let the conversation flow, if it feels good, keep dating if it doesn’t keep it moving – it’s all in fun. Do not get hung up on the notion that people online are somehow more creepy than real life, remember YOU are online and the TV show “Who the (bleep) did I marry” exists. The point is, it’s all risky at least online dating gives you the chance to meet tons of people from all walks of life in the safe space of behind your screen (where you can do an extensive google search before you ever meet them).